resting in peace

A month has passed (almost to the day) since Wade died. My sister, mom, my sister's friend R, and I held a bonfire last night in honor of Wade.

It was very brief, but surprisingly powerful. It had rained that afternoon and the fire circle was covered in wet ground cover from over a year of inactivity. We got it cleaned up enough to light a fire. Then we brought out the hard cider to toast Wade with and send him on. My sister wrote him a huge letter- locks of hair, rose petals, a nine page letter. She never did get to say good-bye, so this was her way of doing it. She burned the letter, maybe he'll get it in some fashion or another. He did always love fire. R and I also had letters to him that we burned. The fire flared and consumed the letters with astonishing speed while Momma recited a blessing. A blessing to let the spirit pass on and be at peace, but also to let those who grieve come to peace. Once the blessing finished, the fire went out and though we tried to make it last a bit longer, it was done. Perhaps, it had done it's job and now had another purpose to achieve in delivering it's messages... that's what I believe anyway.

It's hard, so hard, to say good-bye to someone who became so special to you. We grieve for the past that we didn't see any warning signs until afterward. We grieve for the future that will never happen. A month isn't nearly long enough to come to terms with any of that, but this way we can start to remember the good times instead of grieve for the last moment of his life.

To Wade Phillip Sprow- I hope you've found peace.

The sky now divides
To bring you back into the fold
Welcome home
Still my need to recognize
Any comfort you may show
Only grows
Guess Ill learn to accommodate
While my heart just sits and waits
Maybe God you found
Maybe is all that you can offer now
Where am I to take refuge
When the storms of pain release
Shelter me
This blessedness of life
Sometimes brings me to my knees
I call on thee
I have not the words to write
A farewell to you tonight
Maybe God you found
Maybe is all that you can offer now
I know hearts are weeping
While your voice is now singing
On high, angel on high

~Collective Soul "Maybe"